Benjamin smiled and he reached out his hand to me as I was about to get out of the carriage.
I glanced at his hand.
I thought that this kind of escort was only given to women like Katarina.
The afterimage of Theodore, who smiled sweetly at the woman in front of him and held out his hand, passed quickly before my eyes.
You’ll fall if you run like that.
But I couldn’t help it because I missed Theo so much.
How can my fiancée pick such lovely words
People are listening…
There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Hold my hand.
Theodore smiled and reached out to Katarina lovingly.
At that point, Katarina smiled shyly and placed her hand on the firm hand that once held me.
Theodore stroked her hair and occasionally kissed her on the well-maintained hair.
There were many times when I felt like I was being stoned just by standing still at that loud expression of affection that seemed to be pleasing to everyone.
I thought I had forgotten everything while on vacation on the southern island, but as soon as I returned to the capital, I was amazed at the wounds he had inflicted on me again.
That’s why I didn’t want to come here.
Benjamin had a worried expression as he looked at my hardened face.
“If you feel uncomfortable…”
I quickly relaxed my expression and placed my hand gently over his hand.
Then I felt him grab my hand.
I walked slowly, following Benjamin.
“How do you like it, Yves”
Benjamin asked me in a rather excited voice.
“I redo everything for you.
You can think of it as a completely new mansion now.”
I looked around the changed mansion slowly.
As he said, everything had changed, starting with the entrance to the building.
There are no traces of the young Chernicia, who had been hiding due to the fall of the family long ago.
“I hope you like the new mansion.”
Benjamin looked at me with twinkling eyes, like a child begging for praise.
“Isn’t it a little strange Do you want me to show you one by one”
I’ll take a look around on my own.”
In response to that kind of burdensome favor, I cut him off gently.
However, he walked away with a smile and no sign of disappointment or sadness.
Then, look around as much as you like.”
Benjamin stroked my hair gently and retreated.
I’ve never seen him so excited.
As I slowly moved to look around the mansion, I heard the voices of the servants whispering in the distance.
“So, does Ferdinand have a hostess now”
“Lady Katarina has a very bad personality, so the servants who used to work in the past had a really hard time.”
“I hope the new hostess will be kind.”
“Did you not see the face of the new hostess There’s no way someone as pretty as a fairy can be viciously harassing us.”
At the sound of their exchange, I tilted my head.
It was Katarina who had served as the hostess of the Ferdinand mansion, which had not had a hostess for a long time.
But there was a new hostess
No way…… Did Benjamin have a lover
‘Benjamin is old enough for that though.’
At that moment, a sound that followed caught my ear.
“By the way, I heard that Lady Katarina was once the Emperor’s fiancée….”
“They said Emperor Theodore went crazy because of her disappearance.”
Katarina’s gone, and Theodore’s gone crazy
After looking around the mansion, I asked while eating with Benjamin.
“I heard the Emperor went crazy”
With that question, Benjamin stopped moving his fork and looked at me.
Then he answered in a monotonous voice as if it wasn’t a big deal.
He was so crazy that he couldn’t even act like a human being.”
“……That’s a big deal.”
I followed him and responded indifferently.
Benjamin’s words were flawed.
Theodore was originally not a man, but garbage, so his inability to act as a human had nothing to do with his madness.
But I did not bother to point out the error in that statement.
After a while, I couldn’t contain my curiosity and asked again.
Is she really missing”
Benjamin’s face frowned slightly.
Not long after you left for the south.”
“But Katarina… had the Emperor’s child.”
As a result, her engagement ceremony was also postponed without an appointment, which puts her in a quandary.
I felt strange.
Katarina was a woman who had been tormenting me for a long time.
And… … She was the woman who fell in love with my man, and at the same time she was the woman who conceived my man’s child and took away all that my child could have enjoyed.
I was not kind enough to feel sorry for the disappearance of the woman who tormented and hurt me so much.
In my childhood, I had dozens of wounds that that woman left on my body.
However, I was neither happy nor exhilarated by the disappearance of the woman.
I felt shaky and unpleasant.
And the news that Theodore had gone mad at Katarina’s disappearance was more than displeased.
A man who had lost all of his precious memories with me was now suffering from the loss of another woman…
The image of his sadness and loneliness made my heart ache.
However, in the end I was forgotten, but Katarina will become an unforgettable bond with him for eternity and will dominate his memory.
The moment I realized this, I felt the high emotion blocked my breathing and tightened my blood vessels.
It was very painful…
Benjamin didn’t seem to want to talk about this topic anymore.
I spoke naturally about my plans for the future.
“I’m going to the Kingdom of Caligor in the western continent.”
“The Kingdom of Caligor”
Suddenly, Benjamin dropped the fork he was holding.
A small clanking sound hit the floor.
“Yeah, I’m going to find a small town with a lake.
I’ve always wanted to live by the lake.”
“Why….. Don’t you like the mansion”
Benjamin, who had a pale complexion, asked in a hard voice.
It must be upsetting to hear that I will leave as soon as I arrive at the mansion.
As he said, the mansion seemed to have become a completely different space.
“After all, I don’t think I like this place.
I’m sorry, Benjamin.”
No matter how much the outer shell had changed, this place still couldn’t be a comfortable space for me.
Besides, I could hear the story of Theodore and Katarina just by breathing here.
And their stories suffocated me.
Good news or bad news.
Apart from the fact that I vowed not to love him anymore.
A small silence passed between me and Benjamin.
After a while he opened his mouth.
“But if you move too quickly, the Emperor will notice.
You deceived the Emperor.”
I trembled at Benjamin’s point.
He didn’t know, but I not only deceived Theodore, but also left behind a nasty letter.
If Theodore finds out that I’m actually alive, pretending to be dead and deceiving him…
‘I’m sure he’ll kill me.’
I shook my head at the terrible thought.
“But, Benjamin, with your power, wouldn’t it be possible for me to leave the empire without the emperor’s knowledge”
I asked cautiously with earnest hope.
“Actually, the Emperor came to visit while you weren’t here… .”
Benjamin took a deep breath and continued.
“I didn’t know, but the Emperor could use divine power.
It was too strong for me to handle.”
“And now, the Emperor is crazy because of Katarina’s disappearance, and if he finds you alive….”
Already, the bad-tempered Theodore was in a crazy state, so if he found me, he wouldn’t kill me beautifully.
My body trembled with a clear fear.
Tear to death…… Burn to death… … Dry it to death… maybe three at the same time.
A streak of cold sweat ran down my forehead.
“It’s dangerous to move right now.
Besides, you’re not alone.”
“So, don’t say that you’re going to the western continent, let’s focus on prenatal education for the time being, Yves.”
In the end, my plan to leave the Albrecht Empire was temporarily delayed.
As per the monstrous rumor that always circulated, Albrecht’s Emperor Theodore was completely insane.
Every night, he was tormented by the sound of the dead.
You know Yvone Chernicia!
You keep looking for her.
His Majesty came to Ferdinand half a year ago….
Theodore remembered when that voice was.
The first faint memories became clearer, driving him crazy.
He thought he most regretted not telling her that he loved her the most…but It wasn’t.
The most regretful thing about it was having her in front of him and not recognizing her.
Ha, Your Majesty’s headache was so severe that I asked Sir Yves a separate request..I’m sorry, Your Majesty! Kill me!
Theodore could not rebuke the doctor for not telling him about Yves.
It wasn’t the doctor’s fault.
It’s his (Theo) fault.
He collapsed from a headache and couldn’t hear her.
“Even if my head exploded, I should have listened to her on the spot.”
Theodore muttered, biting his lips.
Why did I forget her
Even if he forgot everything else, he shouldn’t have forgotten only her.
“I’d rather forget how to breathe, you idiot.”
In unbearable anger towards his past self, he raised his hands and strangled himself.
For to forget her, to be alive, to breathe.
He despised himself.
However, his foolish body somehow managed to find its breaths and he burst out of breath.
Eventually, his hands were released, and Theodore fell face down on the desk, bumping his forehead.
Blood dripped from his torn forehead.
“Damn it, Yves….”
Theodore gasped and raised his bloodshot eyes.
A small piece of paper that was permanently preserved with his holy power caught his eye.
It was the last letter Yvonne left.
“Yves, Yvonne… ..”
Theodore hurriedly reached out his hand and grabbed the letter.
In that letter, Yvonne did not mention the fact that she was Yves.
He couldn’t be unaware that it was a consideration for him.
Good Yves must have been worried.
She must be worried that he will find the letter after he finds his memory.
Then he will lose his mind again at the story of the lost past written in that letter.
Thick tears and blood dripping from his forehead fell on a small piece of paper.
But none of it could defile the letter, which was permanently preserved by the Holy Spirit.
That was the only thing he did well.
After reading her letter for the hundred times, and as the day dawned, he began to sit down and work as if he had always been.
Ever since she disappeared from his world, everything in his world has become boring.
Occasionally, while he was working, he often had doubts.
‘Why am I doing this’
Then, when a sudden realization like a lightning bolt came, he grinned with a faint arsenic on his lips.
‘Oh, yes, that’s right.
To see my Yves again.’
T/N: It’s Theo who is being tormented but I feel like I’m the one being tormented just by translating it.
Like Krim said, in other novels, authors tend to gloss over the guilt and torment parts when the MLs lost the FLs, but this one the author will use the rest of the novel writing about Theo’s guilt and self hate.
So here for more emotional torture lol.